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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26206630">Everything I Never Had</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen'>Soozen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Broken Remnants [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula's emotions are valid, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Panic Attacks, Ursa (Avatar) is Not A Good Parent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:07:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26206630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after the events surrounding Sozin's Comet, Azula finally sees Ursa again. It does not go well. </p><p>Not compliant with comics.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula &amp; Ursa (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Broken Remnants [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2264912</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>334</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Everything I Never Had</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I first put this up on Tumblr in its unfinished version, under the title Your Halo Slipping Down. With the ending I came up with, the title didn't fit, so now we have this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Azula has been waiting for this day for years.</p><p>Her time in the facility has been difficult, the hardest work she has ever done in her life, but now, it is all over. The healers consider her to be ‘rehabilitated.’ Years ago, she may have wanted to seek revenge on Zuko and steal the throne from him, but that desire is long gone.</p><p>And now, walking up the steps of the palace, Azula can feel it. She is home. She is home, and she is ready for it.</p><p>The palace feels different. As she walks down the halls, there is almost a lightness in the air; Azula couldn’t place the source exactly, but it probably has to do with the fact that her father has not stepped foot inside in nearly as long as she has. Good.</p><p>Her room, apparently, was left untouched in her absence. It is strange to be in it again, everything still as she left it. Though, thankfully, it was kept clean; there is no dust on her beside table, and the linens appear to be fresh. She opens the window overlooking the gardens, and breathes in deep. The flowers are in bloom, bringing in their sweet floral scents.</p><p>It smells like home.</p><p>A throat is cleared behind her, and she turns around. Zuko stands in the doorway. He wears robes befitting of a Fire Lord, and of course the hairpiece, and Azula finds herself thankful for the scar on his face, because  right now, he reminds her a little too much of their father. A tightness seized in her chest initially; shock, probably, the unease associated to such a figure.</p><p>But this is not her father. This is her brother, and she is safe.</p><p>“Welcome back,” Zuko says, and he smiles at her in a strange way. Awkward.</p><p>“It’s good to be home.”</p><p>Things are bound to be stiff between them for some time. The last time they had ever been kind and playful with each other, no animosity (hidden or otherwise), Azula had been a small child. Their relationship would take some work. Azula is willing to put it in.</p><p>And it seems that Zuko is as well. He had kept tabs on her in the facility, had not left her there to simply rot. He had expectations for the care she received. That attention is the only reason she stands here in her room; she is indebted a great deal to Zuko.</p><p>“There’s, uh, clothes. New ones, in the wardrobe.” He gestures to it. “In case you want to change. I, uh, I guessed what you would want. If you hate them, we can find…new clothes.”</p><p>She nods.</p><p>Zuko takes in a breath. “Listen. I know you probably just want to get settled, but there’s- there’s been changes, since you’ve been gone. New servants, new expectations for them. And, uh, there’s someone else living here with us.”</p><p>That earns him a raised eyebrow from Azula. “Really? Did you marry Mai and not tell me?”</p><p>It is still fun to make Zuko flustered. His cheeks go red, and he stammers something about that not being where they are as a couple, but Azula is hardly listening. This…is nice. It is relaxed.</p><p>Again, again, it feels like home.</p><p>“Spit it out, Zuzu,” she says.</p><p>He looks as if he might comment on the nickname, but refrains. “It’s…” And he looks out into the hall, and gestures for someone to join them. Azula stares curiously at the doorway as he steps to the side, allowing room for-</p><p>Azula’s stomach twists. Her breath is caught in her throat.</p><p>Her mother has stepped into her bedroom.</p><p>She looks nearly the same as Azula remembers; some more lines in her face, wisps of grey in her hair, but unmistakably, undeniably her mother. Ursa has a small smile on her face as she greets her. “Hello Azula.”</p><p>She can’t speak.</p><p>“I’ve missed you so much-”</p><p><em>Lies</em>.</p><p>“Get out.” The words slip over her tongue like venom, and both her mother and her brother are staring at her in shock.</p><p>Zuko tries to step in. “Azula-”</p><p>“Get out! Get out, <em>get out</em>, <em>GET OUT</em>!”</p><p>She’s shrieking now, her heart pounding, her muscles tense and ready to-</p><p> </p><p>(Ready to what? Fight? Run away? Azula doesn’t know, but she knows that if her mother doesn’t leave her sight soon, she cannot be held responsible for whatever comes to pass)</p><p> </p><p>Ursa leaves, though she seems hesitant, she looked as if she might try to come to her, and thankfully, Zuko stopped her. He stays, though. He stays , and he has his hands up, palms open, speaking words that are supposed to calm her, but all she can think of, all she can still imagine is that her mother is <em>here</em>.</p><p>Ursa is in the palace. Ursa lives in the palace. Somehow, while she was away, locked up, she was found, and brought here, and now she lives here, in the same place Azula does.</p><p>“Why is she <em>here</em>?” Azula demands, and she knows her voice is too loud, that she is not controlling her emotions, that the healers would be disappointed in her.</p><p>But the healers never prepared her for <em>this</em>.</p><p>The expression Zuko has is something soft and sad, and it only infuriates her as he says, “She’s our mom, Azula.”</p><p>She grits her teeth, her fists are clenched. “She might be <em>yours</em>, but she was never mine!”</p><p>How dare he do this to her, right when she finally is back home, the moment she thinks she is free and healed and a new person, he blindsides her with that <em>bitch</em>.</p><p>“Azula….”</p><p>“I want <em>nothing</em> to do with her! I don’t want to see her again, ever! She is never to cross paths with me again!”</p><p>The flames in the lamps have grown brighter, larger, as she screams, and Zuko resorts to only calming her, asking her to take in calming breaths.</p><p>She snaps at him to leave her room as well, and wisely, he does as she orders, shutting the door behind him. As soon as the door is closed, Azula breaks, dropping to the ground, sobbing.</p><p>It has never occurred to her that she would ever find her face to face with her mother, and she hopes to never find herself in such a position again. Every interaction, every time she was scolded, every time she was turned away in favor of Zuko, every time she was ignored, it all comes crashing down on her at once.</p><p>The pain- the ache inside- it is all consuming, and she tries to remember her mantras, her breathing exercises, everything the healers have taught her for how to deal with the darkness. There has been many of these moments, too innumerable to count, where she is overcome, and it feels like she might die from how her body is reacting to the anger and the anguish and the emotional hurt; this is the first time she has ever had to face them without someone to guide her out of it.</p><p>She survives. It is stupid to think that maybe she might not have. By the time she picks herself off the floor, tears dried to her cheeks, she is exhausted. Every muscle in her body hurts; it feels as if she has endured the most rigorous training of her life, worse than the hardest her father had ever pushed her, worse than after her fights against the Avatar.</p><p>Somehow, she manages to climb into her bed and falls into a fitful sleep.</p><p>When the sun rises, so does Azula. Her body still aches, though not as badly as the day before; more than anything, she is thirsty, hungry. She rings for breakfast, grateful that this is the one meal she is not expected to leave her room for.</p><p>When breakfast is served, she eats heartily, barely noticing how perfectly prepared it all is. The food at the facility was edible, nutritious. It served its purpose. Perhaps the next meal, she will savor how perfectly prepared dishes taste. For now, she only wants to fill her empty stomach, sate her thirst.</p><p>The clothes Zuko has filled her wardrobe with are…fine. Beautiful quality; the softest of silks, the most breathable of linens, but standard robes for royalty. They are very much the same clothes she had worn before, when she was ruled by her desire to please her father, her want for power, her need for praise.</p><p>She chooses the one that is the loosest fitting to wear. This time, she wants things to be different. She doesn’t want to feel like the girl she had once been. Azula is grown now, a woman, her own person, no longer being forced to fit a very narrow mold.</p><p>The first place she goes upon leaving her room are the gardens. There are fond memories here; playing with Zuko, playing with Mai and Ty Lee. Perhaps it is here, surrounded by the flowers and bathed in the sunshine, that she will really begin the next chapter in her life. Last night did not count.</p><p>At first, the gardens are exactly what Azula needs. Quiet, except for the chirping of birds. Warm, and warming under the morning rays of the sun. And then-</p><p>“Good morning, Azula.”</p><p>Her shoulders raise at that voice, that soft voice, filled with a false motherly tone. She snaps around, her muscles already tensing, to find Ursa standing behind her, hands clasped in front of her. Her face is just as full of lies as her voice.</p><p>“I’m sorry for the surprise I gave you yesterday,” her mother continues. “I was hoping that we might be able to talk.”</p><p>Azula is so focused on her breathing that she can hardly respond. “We have nothing to talk about.”</p><p>There is pain in Ursa’s eyes. Good. <em>Good</em>. She should be hurt. “I think we do.”</p><p>“What you think doesn’t matter!”</p><p>There is so much anger in her, it is frightening even for her. This is the way Azula had felt when she had fought Zuko, and she knows that if she doesn’t keep her hands balled into fists as her side, she might firebend.</p><p>Somehow, this works. Ursa nods, uttering a useless promise that she will try again later. There won’t be a <em>later</em>. Azula will see to that.</p><p>But, when lunch is served, Ursa is there. She is present for dinner as well.</p><p>So Azula doesn’t attend. She takes her meals in her room. Most of her days are spent in her room. Ursa has not attempted to come back into this space, her space, and it has become to only room in the palace that she knows she can be left alone. Anywhere else, should their paths cross, her mother will attempt to speak to her, offer a tainted olive branch, and every time, it hurts worse than a scorpion-rat’s sting.</p><p>Soon, the only interactions Azula has are with the servants who bring her meals. She can feel herself closing up, isolating herself, and knows it is unhealthy, but what other choice does she have? Even just knowing that Ursa is somewhere in the palace makes her uneasy.</p><p>She won’t let her guard down. She had once, when she was young. So many times, she had tried, wanting her mother to take notice of her, to praise her, to make her feel half as loved as she did Zuko, and every time was meant with disappointment. Azula would not do the same again. Ursa would not be given the opportunity to hurt her again.</p><p>After the second week of hiding herself away, Zuko attempted to reason to her.</p><p>“Mom just wants to talk,” he says, standing at the foot of her bed. She is sitting in the center of it, her eyes on the open window, on the sunlight.</p><p>“She has you to talk to.”</p><p>A sigh. “You know that it’s you she wants to talk to. She feels…bad.”</p><p>That attracts her attention. Her eyes slide from the window to Zuko. “About what?”</p><p>The question seems to bewilder him. “For…leaving us with Dad,” he says simply, as if that is the obvious answer.</p><p>“Is that all?”</p><p>“What else is there?”</p><p>That question cuts through her, and anything else he says falls upon deaf ears. She can only stare straight ahead, the edges of her vision going dark, blurry. Eventually, when he realizes she isn’t responding, he leaves her.</p><p>Living outside of the facility is so taxing, so difficult. She’d thought it would be easier. She thought she would have Zuko to lean on, if she needed it. She thought it would be just the two of them. She thought the hardest part would be getting used to freedom.</p><p>She thought.</p><p>Instead, she feels more confined than she ever had while being treated. Every morning, she wakes with a tightness in her chest that will not go away, a sense of dread that follows her throughout the day.</p><p>Perhaps, she thinks, it would be best to go back to the facility.</p><p>But she could not walk the gardens unattended in the facility. She was not allowed to firebend there. There is little firebending that she is doing, but it is better than nothing. Sometimes, she thinks that the only reason she has not cracked again is because of the flame she cups in her hand every day, feeling its warmth.</p><p>It has been years since she has done any real bending. It is gnawing at her, wanting nothing more than to practice her forms, and feeling almost like a hostage, stuck in this room, avoiding her mother at all costs. One day, it becomes too much.</p><p>She wears a shorter robe, one that does not cover her arms, that allows freedom of movement with none of the dramatic drapery of traditional royal robes, and makes haste to the training yard. Her mother is unlikely to go here. Zuko is surely busy elsewhere, and undoubtedly, she’d rather stay with him, her favored son.</p><p>The grounds are clear, and Azula settles back into the routine she once had. The motions come back to her easily, muscle memory strong, and she feels the fire and the power within her once more, and it feels g<em>ood</em>. Her flames are still blue, still strong and hot.</p><p>She is not perfect. The movements, though familiar, ingrained deeply within her, are not smooth. Father would be angry, if he could see it, and she reminds herself that what he would want, and what his expectations might be no longer matter.</p><p>It is what she wants that matters.</p><p>For the first time since returning home, Azula is starting to feel whole again, healthy, clear. It is as if relief is pooling through, washing away the darkness with each burst of fire she lets out.</p><p>She is sweating by the time she is done. A cool bath will feel wonderous now. But when she turns to return inside, Ursa is standing on the edge of the grounds, watching her.</p><p>Azula freezes, just as she had the first time she saw Ursa. She does not tense as terribly as she had before, perhaps her body is too exhausted to react. For a moment, they just stare at each other, and just as with the other times, Ursa speaks first.</p><p>“That was beautiful to watch,” her mother says. “You’re so talented, Azula.”</p><p>She wants to scream. Where were these compliments ten, twelve, thirteen years ago?</p><p>Instead, she bites her tongue, even as the anger inside her grows.</p><p>“I think I owe you an apology,” Ursa continues, and Azula’s eyes narrow. This feels like a trick. “I know my leaving has created some wounds-”</p><p>
  <em>Created?</em>
</p><p>“-and I wasn’t there to raise you through your most formative years, and I wish that I could have been there for you. I know it must have been difficult. I’m so terribly sorry.”</p><p>This can’t be real. She had thought Zuko to be daft, to have not noticed the favoritism, to have been blind to how cruel their mother actually was, but for Ursa to simply <em>ignore</em> all her wrong doings, and apologize for only a piece of her crimes-</p><p>“Is that it? Is that all you’re going to apologize for?” Azula snarls, snaps, rage rising up in her like a flame. “You don’t deserve my forgiveness, for all that you have done to me!”</p><p>Ursa is surprised, and that only makes Azula angrier. Idiot mother. Cold, unfeeling woman.</p><p>“Azula, I did the best I could-”</p><p>There is nothing worse that she could have said.</p><p>“<em>Liar</em>! You- you showered Zuko in attention and praise and warmth and <em>love,</em>” Azula screeches at her. “You gave him everything, until there was nothing left for me! I was trying- I wanted- you never even <em>hugged</em> me, and you think the worst thing you have done is<em> leave</em>?”</p><p>Her mother is fighting tears, and it only feels like validation.</p><p>“You did the best you could for Zuko,” Azula snarls, “and then you shoved me to the side. You never should have come back. If I had known you would be here, I never would have returned.”</p><p>“You had your father! He gave you so much praise, so much attention, and was so cruel to Zuko. I <em>had</em> to be there for him.”</p><p>Azula bares her teeth. “You needed to be there for me, not just Zuko! Just say it, Mother; you loved Zuko more, you always have! You never loved me!”</p><p>“You frightened me!” Ursa blurts out. “You were so much like your father, and you clung to him, becoming more like him each day!”</p><p>“I was <em>a child</em>! You were gone by the time I was seven! How pitiful you must be, to fear a child!” With each sentence, Azula feels more powerful. Words she never knew she wanted- needed- to say were flowing out, forcing Ursa to confront her deeds. “You blame me for your inadequacies as a parent? It was <em>your job</em> to love me, to protect me, to raise me, and you <em>failed</em> on all three counts! Why should I ever forgive you?”</p><p>She does not wait for a response, storming past Ursa to return to the confines of her room. There is so much adrenaline coursing through her, and she is riding high on it, she feels invincible. Briefly, she toys with the idea of paying Ozai a visit, giving him the same attention that she’d just afforded to Ursa.</p><p>It’s a nice dream, at the very least. Deep down, Azula knows she will never be ready to face him. Better to keep away.</p><p>She expects Zuko to come and yell at her at some point, for hurting Mother, for making her cry. He never does.</p><p>But the tension between her and Ursa does not go down. The days pass, and Azula thinks that when she sees Ursa again, she will still feel that validation. Instead, she feels guilt.</p><p><em>Guilt</em>.</p><p>Of all the terrible emotions in the world, why is guilt the one that comes rushing through her, the thoughts in her head telling her that she is a terrible daughter to yell at her mother in the way that she had, that Ursa was right to fear her, for what did she become after all? Guilt tells her that the sadness in her mother’s eyes is a bad thing, and her fault, that she should feel awful for what she had done.</p><p>It doesn’t make sense. Azula can’t even fathom her way through the labyrinth of dark emotions and thoughts that consume her now, and eventually, she is driven to talk to Zuko.</p><p>She wants to go away. She needs to go away, to be far from Ursa and the harrow of feelings that she pulls out of her.</p><p>Zuko offers her the house on Ember Island, newly redone and refurbished, on the condition that she be accompanied by several Kyoshi Warriors. They have been his personal guards for some time now, apparently, and only wants to ensure that, as a member of the royal family, she is kept safe.</p><p>She allows it. But, Azula is ready to accept any conditions, just to put any sort of distance between her and Ursa.</p><p>It is a surprise, however, to discover that Ty Lee has joined the ranks of the Kyoshi Warriors. It is on the ship ride to the island that she learns this, and for a moment, Azula wonders if this is a cruel trick on Zuko’s part. The last she had seen her childhood friend was at the Boiling Rock, when she had ordered her to be locked away forever.</p><p>It is an awkward reunion, and it is a bit of a comfort to see that Ty Lee- though obviously as nervous as she is during their first talk in years- has not changed much at all. Still happy, still an abundance of energy, but stronger, somehow. More confident.</p><p>She saves her apology for once they are at the vacation house, alone in her bedroom. Ty Lee is the second person she has apologized to (Zuko was the first, a year or so ago). It is difficult to get out, for her pride is hard to shake away, to force back to make way for humility and atonement. Somehow, miraculously, Ty Lee accepts it, and even <em>hugs</em> her, and Azula wonders how on earth she ever had managed to become friends with someone as kind and forgiving as Ty Lee, because there has not been much she has done to deserve it.</p><p>Still, there are awkward moments. For the most part, Azula gives Ty Lee space, and considering she is working, it is for the best. She spends her days more active than any other since leaving the facility, taking walks along the beach, practicing her bending whenever possible, sitting out in the sunshine and reading.</p><p>The feeling of freedom is a wonderful thing, and Azula enjoys every moment of it.</p><p>At first, occasionally, when Ty Lee is not on duty, she will sit with her on the beach. They don’t speak, and Azula isn’t certain if it is simply because they don’t have much to say, or because there is far too much to pinpoint any one reason. Then, one day, they witness one of the sparrow-gulls swoop down and steal an entire onigiri from a surprised beach-goer’s hands; the moment they make eye contact, both erupt into laughter at the absurdity of it all.</p><p>After all, the awkwardness is gone. Ty Lee spends more time at Azula’s side.</p><p>It feels different from how it had been years ago. Ty Lee is no longer jumping to do whatever it is Azula wants or needs; the air between them is so relaxed, so light, and Azula thinks she now knows what friendship actually feels like.</p><p>Everything is nice. Everything is easy and calm.</p><p>And then, one bright afternoon, a letter arrives from the palace.</p><p>Azula opens it without much thought; she’s been away for nearly a month now, surely something of importance must have happened for Zuko to want to inform her of. But the letter is not from Zuko. It is from Ursa.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>My dear Azula, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you have been enjoying your time on Ember Island. I remember how you used to love to visit the sea there; I think your time there will do you good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have spent much time thinking about our last conversation. It pains me, all the anger in your heart placed there by your father. I am so sorry for the way that you feel. I cannot imagine how it must be to hold all of that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want us to come to a good place, but I fear that cannot happen until you find it in your heart to forgive me, just as I have forgiven you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I will always love you, Azula. I always have.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mother</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And just as swiftly, the darkness comes sweeping back in.</p><p>She manages to lock herself away in her room before the panicked breathing takes over again, before her body tenses and tightens and locks up. The tears come, but quiet this time, forced to be silent, for periodically, Ty Lee calls to her through her door, and Azula cannot bear the thought of Ty Lee seeing her like this.</p><p>She can’t bear the thought of <em>being</em> like this.</p><p>It is mid-morning the next day before she comes out, when she knows that Ty Lee will be working; Ty Lee has never strayed from her post when on duty. Explaining why she had isolated herself for so long is not an option. Ty Lee is not likely to understand.</p><p>Basking in the sun, absorbing its warmth and energy has always made Azula feel whole again, and so, she goes to the beach, sitting with her toes buried in the sand, and shuts her eyes. She has brought the letter with her, entertaining the idea of burning it, or throwing it to the sea, or rereading it to see if it truly is as bad as it had felt when she had first read it.</p><p>“Azula?”</p><p>It is Ty Lee, of course, in full Kyoshi armor and makeup. Azula glances up at her, then quickly out to sea. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”</p><p>“I am,” Ty Lee says. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m perfectly fine.”</p><p>“We both know that’s not true.” In a move that surprises Azula, Ty Lee sits beside her in the sand. “You scared me last night, when you shut yourself up in your room.”</p><p>“I was tired.” She keeps her eyes fixed firmly out on the sea, not wanting to see the look of pity that is surely on Ty Lee’s face.</p><p>For a moment, Ty Lee is quiet, and then, she asks, “…What did Zuko tell you?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Azula, I’m not stupid,” Ty Lee sighs. “After you got that letter from the palace, that’s when you…disappeared into your room. It must be something big, or sad, or big and sad.”</p><p>Azula bites her lip, looking down at the folded letter in her hands. “Zuko didn’t write me. My mom did.”</p><p>“Oh. What did she say?”</p><p>It only takes a few seconds of deliberating for Azula to wordlessly hand the letter to Ty Lee. She could tell her that she is overreacting. She would be the one to explain that Ursa was being a good mother, and reaching out, and that Azula is acting like a child-</p><p>“Is she serious?”</p><p>Azula looks sharply to Ty Lee. “What?”</p><p>The Kyoshi Warrior wears a look of disgust on her face. “I don’t- I don’t know what the details are of all of this, but…. That was not an apology from her. ‘I am so sorry for how you feel?’ That’s not an apology.” Ty Lee scoffs, thrusting the letter back to Azula. “Did something happen with you and your mom?”</p><p>And Azula unleashes it all on Ty Lee, because if Ty Lee is able to detect that little bit, that non-apology and start to smell the bullshit, then she might actually understand, she might see it all from Azula’s point of view. As the words flow from her, it feels <em>so good</em> to tell someone who nods along, and reacts with disgust at Ursa’s words, and Zuko’s support of her. By the time Azula is finished, she feels spent, but not exhausted, for Ty Lee is bearing part of her weight, and there is nothing but support coming from her.</p><p>“You’re allowed to be mad at your mom,” Ty Lee says. “You don’t owe her anything.”</p><p>Azula sighs, her eyes on the horizon, at the crystal blue waters, the bright blue sky, at how it is impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. “Then why do I feel so guilty?”</p><p>For the guilt has not simply come from when she’d yelled at Ursa, but at how she firmly she feels in her anger and resentment toward her. She hates her mother; what sort of a person hates their mother? She should love her, be appreciative, especially since Ursa had tried to approach her in peace. But she cannot forget and ignore and push away her feelings.</p><p>So she feels guilt. It is the worst emotion of all.</p><p>“Because we’re told all our lives that we have to love our parents, that we should love our parents, and when we don’t, that it must be <em>our</em> fault. But it isn’t.” Ty Lee puts her hand on Azula’s, the weight of it a comfort. “It isn’t your fault, Azula. It’s your mother’s. She was the adult, and you were a child, and she treated you like you were less than. Parents aren’t <em>owed</em> love. Parents aren’t owed anything at all just because they gave birth to you. We’re expected to love them unconditionally and forgive them for all their faults no matter what, and that’s not right. It’s just a terrible lie we have all been told.”</p><p>Azula keeps her eyes on the sea and absorbs everything Ty Lee has just said, but Ty Lee isn’t finished.</p><p>“You only need to forgive one person, Azula; yourself. You did the best you could, and you have come so far from when I last saw you. I’m so proud of you.”</p><p>That catches her off guard. Her breath hitches, and her eyes are flooded with tears before she can understand what is happening. <em>I’m so proud of you. </em>The beauty, the praise, the love in those words is unparalleled to anything Azula has ever heard, to anything anyone has ever told her. It is not silent tears she cries, but loud sobs, and for the first time, crying feels like release, not anguish.</p><p>She feels lighter than ever, sitting under the sun and holding Ty Lee’s hand, letting all the pain wash away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Big shout out to @888-rising and @Limpid-Liar on Tumblr for helping me work out ideas. &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>- <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/soozencreates">My Tumblr</a> -</p></blockquote></div></div>
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